Issue #5: Easing back into the world of positive psych
It's back to basics with simple revelations around cooking, couples therapy, and strength training. Plus alllll the book recs.
Welcome to the Blue Sky Five, a newsletter about the science of happiness applied to everyday life. Using positive psychology’s five-part framework for flourishing, I share five six things a month that are helping me thrive, plus bonus recommendations on mindful media & mantras.
Positive emotion: Happiness, life satisfaction, pleasure, comfort, warmth
As the rest of the US heads into fall, it’s finally summer-weather in San Francisco. I’m reacquainting myself with the simple pleasure of reading in the park, in the sun, accompanied by cute little treats purchased in cute little overpriced stores, for no other reason than simply wanting them. This is my (local) bliss.
Engagement: Time stops, “flow,” complete absorption in a task, loss of self-consciousness
I’m getting back into cooking after a many-month hiatus that had me focused much more squarely on working after-hours vs. meal prepping. I fell into this crispy coconut tofu with cashews and blistered snap peas from NYT Cooking a few nights ago and did not want to climb out.
Relationships: Other people are the best antidote to the “downs" of life & the single most reliable “up"
Couples therapy is something I’ve always known I would do with the person I was considering forever with. After a few roundabout arguments that we couldn’t figure out a way through, Ty and I started proactively seeing a couples therapist, using it as part lightweight mediation, part premarital counseling (no, we are not yet engaged, but I *think* that’s still the plan 🙃). Ty and I have an amazing relationship, but like most people, we have a few big areas of difference. Couples therapy has been instrumental in helping normalize those differences and giving us a shared set of communication tools and the time to methodically talk through compromises.
Pro tip: Remember to shop around for any therapist you might start working with. Ty and I met with just two, but took an instant liking to Greg. After five sessions, I can already tell that the three of us have a strong and trusting therapeutic alliance, the single biggest predictor for the success of therapy. Check out my tips for finding a good therapist.
Meaning: Belonging to & serving something bigger than the self
I haven’t published a new blog post or newsletter since February, and I’ve been reflecting on the break I’ve taken from creating content. Creation - writing, producing, publishing - brings me such a sense of meaning. Creation is, in itself, a bid for connection. It’s a way to express your viewpoint, be seen by others, and reacted to. It’s the little “you” inside, hoping to be seen and welcomed into the world. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from creation, but it’s good to understand how it helps me meet my own needs around meaning and belonging.
Accomplishments: Winning, mastery, achievement for its own sake
Speaking of belonging, I’ve been feeling a lot of that in my newish interim role at work. The role is that perfect combination of supportive manager, skill match, important work, fun teammates, and perhaps most importantly, personal growth. In the past, it’s been hard for me to imagine work in our capitalistic system as a source for true wellbeing, but this experience is proving me (delightfully) wrong. I’m getting to flex into so many new areas of business operations and finding that I’m more than capable of taking on big, challenging and impactful jobs at work. It’s reset my understanding of my own limitations (or lack thereof), making me realize how exciting the path ahead could be.
Vitality: taking good care of our body and mind
I can’t believe I’m saying this but, friends of BSM, I have been sleeping on strength training. I’ve prided myself on being a “health and wellness” person for at least half a decade now, and I’m only just now getting serious about strength training. It all started when I went to see a nutritionist about my diet; I wanted advice on intentionally changing my body composition. She asked me a million questions and at the end of the consultation, put it to me very plainly. She said, “ I don’t see anything wrong with your diet, and you seem to be getting plenty of cardio. Try adding weight training, with heavy weights, two times per week. I’m not sure you’ll need me after that.” I’ve done just that (I’m loving 20 minute strength workouts on Apple Fitness) and never called her back.
Mindful media & mantras of the moment
What I (have been) reading: Now presenting the four best books I’ve read since February. Drumroll please…
“Demon Copperhead” x Barbara Kingsolver; Hillbilly Elegy vibes
“Parable of the Sower” x Octavia E. Butler; provocative climate change end-of-world survivalism tale
“The Candy House” x Jennifer Egan; fun futuristic projections and excellent character development through a variety of unique writing styles
“Between Two Kingdoms” x Suleika Jaouad; eye-opening first-person medical journey that will give you so much empathy for those going through it
What I’m listening to: “The Covenant of Water” x Abraham Verghese; my friend Katie recommended this on Libby audiobook, because the author’s narration is so delightful. 10/10 would recommend for those looking to spiritually teleport to India.