Issue #2: Finding happiness in that sweet, simple life of yours
A list of everyday pleasures, a relationship hack, a 15-minute stick figure exercise, & gift ideas for flourishing
Welcome to the Blue Sky Five, a newsletter about the science of happiness applied to everyday life. Using positive psychology’s five-part framework for flourishing, I share five things a month that are helping me thrive.
Positive emotion: Happiness, life satisfaction, pleasure, comfort, warmth
I struggled to think of One Big Thing for this category, so I started listing a bunch of little happies. I like where it landed: Snuggling with my family’s pets while I was in town for the holidays. Sheng Wang’s pure & hilarious Netflix comedy special. Dancing at Departamento in Mexico City with my besties. Savoring my favorite ice cream in the world (it’s seasonal, Salt & Straw’s Parker House Rolls with Salted Buttercream, fully agree with this review).
The act of listing these pleasures is joy-bringing in and of itself; try it! And pay attention to whether this list is difficult to come up with or if you might be over-indexing here. Balance is key.
Because it’s the holidays and I’ve got Christmas instrumental jazz on repeat, I’m in the mood to share one gift idea per pillar of flourishing. You can’t buy happiness, but perhaps your purchases this holiday season can support your wellbeing goals? Let’s find out.
GIFT IDEA: It is one of the purest and most luxurious joys of mine to enjoy a steaming cup of coffee from my self-heating Ember mug every morning. The downside is that every cup outside of this mug feels deeply inferior.
Engagement: Time stops, “flow,” complete absorption in a task, loss of self-consciousness
I spend most of my days, weekends included, on a tight time table. I'm a planner and I've got places to be. Sometimes, I forget how deeply I can fall into a book and how exquisitely delicious it feels to not be able to put it down. This is engagement. I lost track of hours in November reading Kristin Hannah’s “The Nightingale” and then “The Four Winds.” Some people aren’t readers. But if you’ve ever found yourself lost in an amazing read, you can find it again. It’s worth it for that sizzling feeling of flow.
GIFT IDEA: As a lover of libraries and paperback books, it was hard for me to make the switch to Kindle. But the sense of flow I get from reading is too strong to let physical barriers get in the way. For the reader luddites in your life, I recommend the updated Kindle.
Relationships: Other people are the best antidote to the “downs" of life & the single most reliable “up"
After enjoying an unplugged two-week Eurotrip in October, my partner returned to work with mountains of work. I, on the other hand, came home to a slower times, both professionally and creatively. Any couple knows that this is a dangerously unbalanced equation in the math of a romantic relationship. I was relying on Ty to spend more time with me, while he needed space to catch up. It came up in numerous snippy comments and eventually a heated discussion. The work was impossible to step away from, but we decided we could work on setting clearer expectations about when we’d spend time together vs. apart.
Our solution: We stuck a magnetic calendar on the whiteboard in his office and drew a red line across the days that were his to work. We put a blue line through the days that would be dedicated to rest and togetherness. Now, we plan on spending Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights and all day Saturday and Sunday together, and I fill up my calendar with personal projects and social outings on the other nights. It’s a simple boundary, but one that eliminates ambiguity and unmet expectations, which can be a silent killer in relationships.
GIFT IDEA: Ty and I keep a set of Table Topics cards on our dinner table, so that we never stop asking questions about one another and deepening the relationship. They’re also a favorite at dinner parties and family holidays.
Meaning: Belonging to & serving something bigger than the self
Making sense of myself and sharing what I’ve learned with others is one way I experience meaning. I think that’s why I got really into a 15-minute stick figure exercise first described on the Life Kit podcast and then made real by the lovely author of
.Here’s the exercise: Around age 25, we start to experience a split in our personality. We're drawn to both stability and adventure, and the competition between those two desires can leave us confused and unsatisfied. The exercise asks you to draw out these two selves, name and personify them, and reflect on how much energy and attention you want to give each. I’ve been struggling with this duality in myself, and acknowledging both the Kaia (wild child) and Keeley (good girl) in me has helped me make peace with both.
GIFT IDEA: I make a lot of meaning by writing about my life. Long before I post something publicly, I'm journaling about it privately as a way to know myself deeply. A blank, lined, hardcover journal (with bookmark & belly band!) is the ultimate tool in a budding relationship with the self. Here’s a good one.
Accomplishments: Winning, mastery, achievement for its own sake
Cooking is not just something I have to do; it's something I get to do. I love minimizing my food waste by creating a detailed meal plan and grocery list on Sunday afternoon. I love pulling the ingredients and cookware out and neatly arranging them on the counter before I get started. I love checking a recipe off in my cookbooks, adding little notes about whether I liked it & how it could be improved.
So I hereby declare that everyday cooking can give you an immense sense of accomplishment, and my accomplishment of November was a deep foray into fall harvest cooking. Pix for proof:
GIFT IDEA: I recommend my two favorite cookbooks, Alison Roman’s “Nothing Fancy” and Andie Mitchell’s “Eating in the Middle,” to any fellow cook.
Mindful media & mantras of the moment
What I'm listening to: I was struck by the commentary in this Hidden Brain podcast on why marriage is so hard. So much so that I shared it with Ty, and we had a great dinner table discussion on it.
What I’m pondering: Research mentioned by Dr. Andrew Huberman on the fact that about 50% of the time, people are thinking about something they’re not doing in the present moment (“mind-wandering”), and thinking about anything but the present makes us unhappy.
What I’m repeating: “Be here now”
Since this is a new venture, I’d love your feedback via a comment below or Instagram. Which section above is your favorite? What do you want more or less of? Other suggestions? Let me know below or in a DM.
Happy holidays, friends. See you in January (with a special guest)! Be and stay well xx